i miss my past life.
i miss the swans on the lawn and the terribly amusing parties that father used to throw.
when i awoke today, i was overwhelmed with the feeling that i was living someone else's life.
i could not find my favourite day dress this morning, the pink one with the accordian pleats and the leg o' mutton sleeves. i was quite cross. i shouted for alice and quickly realised that, that was then and this is now and there was no point calling alice for she no longer exists, indeed, nor do i.
there was no breakfast set out for me so i made toast and ate it alone, in the garden. cook would turn in her grave.
i fed my cats and put on some music. i listened to 'nuit provencal' but it only reminded me of my holidays with aunt kitty..
'parlez nuits sans rivales,
les belles nuits d'ete,
la la la la!'
it didn't cheer me at all.
some days, i feel very confused by television and shopping centres.
some nights i awake in a fright, longing for my canary, the piano or the comfort of the servants.