i've just realised,
i walk like a zombie when i'm carrying toast and tea.

sometimes, i just really miss drugs.

i can't sleep.

i'm haunted by lovers i've never met (william black, aged 19) and northumbrian folk songs and a tour of a bauhaus exhibition that i can't escape from and hives on the backs of my hands that only appear in my sleep and mysterious coughs that make me sit up and panic.

half drunken

• the double cocktail, naturally
• film i love, film i don't
• horror all red
• croissant and pikelet
• the book of shellfish
• i would give myself a round of applause if only i could stop biting my lip
• love letters galore, read aloud, make myself cry
• i saw yr parents and they were holding hands
• jaw ache
• i dreamt i lost yr kitten - not real but sorry anyway
• didn't feel like one of the family unless you count the black lamb
• i will travel but i must prepare
• ask me please
• watercolour kitten
• iris

i asked you to marry me once.
you won't remember because you never heard me.